Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
