I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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