If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
