just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
