she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
