Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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