operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
