you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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