i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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