If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
