we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
