I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
