Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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