just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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