you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
