Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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