just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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