They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
