Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
