i just google imaged poop.
and she was petting her beer can
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
