I think i peed on brittanys purse
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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