It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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