he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
