In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I will be naked everywhere
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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