I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
