im six kinds of drunk right now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
