Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
