I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
