I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
