I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
