im drinking this country out of the recession.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
