There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
