Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
