enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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