I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
