my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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