Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
