he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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