On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
