is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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