i will never coherently bang her
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
