his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
