I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
