i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
