Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
