He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
