he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
