so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
