My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
