Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
