He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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